I’ve never named a plant before. If you asked me about my thoughts on naming plants prior to compiling this list, I would have told you that while I’d likely never take the time to name many, I could still see myself naming a really well-loved favourite or two.
But the internet’s won me over. There are just too many quirky-cute, pun-based cactus names out there for me to resist admitting to the fact that I kind of want to use all my favourites. I now feel it’s almost my duty to create a mini cactus collection from my larger collection, labelling them with witty names instead of their actual scientific ones.
Imagine the fun of watching a house guest come in for a closer look, trying to learn the scientific name of that hairy cactus in the corner – only to discover a “pet” name like “Furry,” then beside it more – “Needles” and “Spike” – instead. Yup, you may think it’s sad, but this is absolutely my idea of a good time.
When it comes to naming plants, whether a cactus or any other type of plant, I do feel it’s almost necessary to make sure the name’s funny. If it doesn’t bring a smile to your face, why bother to give a plant a name, really?
Obviously, the humor can be subtle, an inside joke only roommates share, even something only you would understand or happen to find funny. Naming a really thorny cactus after a much-hated high school teacher, for instance? Super amusing, even if it’s just amusing to you. So long as you’re the one smiling, in my books – that’s all that matters.
But let’s get into all the fun names for cacti I’ve found scouring the web. Be sure to let me know your favourites in the comments down below, and if there’s one you’ve thought of that didn’t make it to this list, leave that name as well. If I ever start that mini collection, I’ll probably steal it for my own uses 😉
(Psst, I now have a “pet names” list for other succulents as well, so check that out if you collect succulents besides cacti.)
Cute & Funny Cactus Names Gathered from Around the Web
Puns That Allude to Cactus Spines
- Porkie / Porkupine
- Spikasaurus Rex
Double Entendre Humor Cactus Names
- Little Prick/Big Prick
- Woody (for tall, straight phallic looking cacti like pachycereus marginatus)
Cactus Names That Are Puns on Pain
- Sir Stabbington
Ironic Names for Cacti
- Free Hugs
Cute Cactus Names Based on Rhyming or Alliteration
- Katniss the Cactus
- Shane the Sharp
- Prickly Pete
- Peter the Prick
- Rick the Prick
- Serena the Succulent
- Senior Saguaro
- Atticus the Acupuncturist
- Denizen of Deserts
- Xena the Xerophyte
- Prickly Pear Perry
- Carl the Cactus
Funny Cactus Names Based on Pop Culture & Fictional Characters
- Cactus Everdeen
- MC Hammer (“Can’t Touch This”)
- Bloat (after the pufferfish in Finding Nemo)
- Poker Face (after the Lady Gaga song)
- Spike Lee
- Señor Dinkles
- Spikes McGee
- Big Tex
Amusing Titles for Cacti
- The Unwatered
- The Green One
- Succulent The Spiny
Funny Cactus Names Based on Fruit, Veggies, & Other Plants
- Brussel Sprouts
- Green Apple
- Green Bean
- Green Onion
- Snow Pea
- Sugar Snap
Other Funny Cactus Names
- Dr. Spiky M.D.
- Mini Me
Other Cute Names for Cacti
Your Favourite Cactus Names?
What are your favourite names for cacti?
Are there any names in this list you thought were perfect for a little baby cactus you’ve got at home? Any names that weren’t on this list you think should’ve been?
Let me know in the comments below!